Once in every generation there is a movie that comes out and is so transcendent that’s it will love on forever, ET, Godfather, Scarface, Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, (I could go on for a while you get my drift.) before we get any deeper into it, I would like to inform you readers that this is NOT one of those movies!
The VelociPastor is a ultra cheesy B movie centered around Doug: a pastor in a church. Sounds wholesome does it not? After Doug’s parents are killed in a car bombing Doug decides to take a mental health siesta to China to clear his thoughts and collect himself. The coronavirus hadn’t been discovered yet so he’s safe there until he meets a nice lady with an arrow in her chest that gives him a dragon claw. Everything after that is a whirlwind of hookers, Cocaine dealing Christian ninjas hell bent on getting the city hooked on their cocaine to convert them to the ninja academy! There’s also a surprise twist at the end!
All in all, I actually enjoyed this movie due to how cheesy it is. Acting is typical of a VERY VERY low budget movie & the special effects or lack there of make this a great movie to watch at least once to get a chuckle & a good story to tell your friends at the next gathering!
Director: Brendan Steere
Writer: Brendan Steere
Stars: Alyssa Kempinski, Greg Cohan, Aurelio Voltaire